help revising
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annotated is the teachers notes
other is orginal with #1 fixed already
Hi, Amanda. Thank you for submitting your White Paper for my evaluation. This assignment is one that students usually choose to include in their end of class portfolio submissions. To that end, I have noted some revision suggestions below. Please reach out to me using the Inbox with any questions or concerns you have.
1. In the case of the white paper, the executive summary goes at the top of the first page and the rest of the document follows immediately (in other words, it’s not on its own page like an abstract would be).
2. Look at your introduction critically. Are you announcing what the paper will do? Or are you writing a comprehensive background and problem statement with an appropriate thesis statement?
3. Look at each individual paragraph and ask yourself the following questions: a. Is the topic sentence easily identifiable? b. Is each paragraph covering ONLY a single topic? c. Is the paragraph 5-7 sentences? If not, should it be longer, shorter, split/condensed? d. Does the paragraph include CURRENT scholarly support with a properly formatted and placed in-text citation? Does that cited information effectively support your main idea from the topic sentence? Does that cited information appear in the MIDDLE of the paragraph (not the first or last sentence)? e. Does the paragraph include explanation, analysis, and/or evaluation of the support? f. Are all the paragraphs in the paper of approximately the same length?
4. I’ve highlighted every sentence on the first couple of pages that includes a mechanics error (punctuation, grammar, syntax, capitalization, etc.). They are ALL minor (not affecting readability), but I strongly encourage you to proofread really carefully. You will find the Writing Refresher in the EC OWL to be very helpful. You may also find it helpful to have someone read your work aloud to you, so you can hear what you have written. I find it very difficult to proofread my own work because I see what I think I have written instead of what I have actually written.
5. Please check your APA in-text and reference citation formats, as well. You’ll find this resource helpful: https://owl.excelsior.edu/
ASSIGNMENT
Before starting this assignment, please review the following learning materials:
- Excelsior OWL: Argument in Digital Writing (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.
In this assignment, you will write a brief, informal white paper in the form of a blog post that persuades a reader to take action on a problem or controversy within your field of study. The goal of this assignment is to demonstrate that a problem exists, what has been done to correct the problem in the past, and how to solve the problem moving forward.
This activity allows you to practice three of the module outcomes:
- MO1. Evaluate the effectiveness of technical documents based on the authors’ use of appropriate style
- MO4. Present research-based evidence to support a specific point of view.
- MO6. Write informatively and persuasively in order to convince a diverse audience of the importance of a current professional issue.
There are controversial issues in every professional field. Consider, for example, the article (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. [PDF, 39.96 KB] published by Andrew Wakefield et al. in 1998 that linked the MMR vaccine and autism. Ultimately, The Lancet retracted the article because no researchers who have conducted the same study since the publication were able to produce the same results as Wakefield had. In fact, several studies disproved Wakefield’s assertions altogether.
Controversy can ultimately spur action, but someone has to convince an intended audience that action is required. Plus, scientific and technical writing isn’t always accurate or reliable. It’s up to us as writers both to write ethically and to determine which supporting sources are most appropriate – and accurate.
For this assignment, choose a controversial issue in your field of study. For ideas, you can review the ProCon web site (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.. You are not required to choose an issue from this site, but it should help you hone in on an issue that makes sense for your specific professional field. No topics are considered “off limits,†but your blog post must be professional and objective.
The language you choose can be a bit more informal than a standard academic essay because the paper is intended to be a blog post. You must include significant evidence to support the point of view you want your readers to adopt; this should come in the form of at least three credible supporting sources that have been published within the past five years (both in-text citations and a references list are required).
Required sections for your blog post include the following, but remember, they don’t have to be titled this way:
- Executive Summary
- Introduction
- Previous Approaches
- New Findings
- Conclusion
The document should be formatted using standard APA conventions for style and citation, including a title page, appropriate in-text citations, and a references page.
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